Wednesday, February 27, 2013

What's in the box?

Hey you... yeah you with the shirt... I have a package for you... it's free... no wait, I'll tell you what's in there, it's Jesus.  Well not like the physical man Jesus, obviously there isn't a body in this box, besides, I'm pretty sure he's hanging out in heaven with his dad.  Anyway, it's all yours, everything in the box, you won't even believe some of the stuff that's in that box until he show's you how works, but it's all in there.  Just take it.  You can do what ever you want with it, it's yours...

Well, there's stuff like salvation in there, that's just one of things that you get when you activate the forgiveness switch.  but that's sort of the end result of getting into the box.  First when you take the lid off, he'll give you the faith you need to run everything else.  Then you'll get a new operating system downloaded and a reboot.  That's repentance I guess.  Then there'll be all these new programs you never had before that'll help you do everything, I don't even know what some of them do, haven't really seen them in action yet.  He'll decide which ones work best for you, I like the ability to heal people app, it's pretty sweet.  Anyway, they're really about him, not you, so don't worry too much about figuring them out.  And when you can't figure it out, he's better than Google at showing you the right way to do things.  Oh yeah, this is cool, there's a full helping of righteousness in there too so that even when you screw it up, it gets auto-corrected, but not like your stupid smartphone auto-corrected, actually corrected.  And customer service, top notch, there's always someone waiting to take your call, and there's this incredible translation feature where even when you don't know what to say, or say it in a totally different language, he knows what you're talking about.  It is mint!

There's a buuunch of other stuff too, I don't really have time to go into it right now but you're gonna have fun finding it and figuring out how it all works.

Oh wait I forgot to mention the Love!!!  it's all full of love, like every inch of it is surrounded with love.  it's packed in those clingy little packing peanuts, you can't get them off you once you start unpacking this thing.  It'll be on you forever, like glitter glue.  People are going to walk up to you in the street and notice the love stuck on you and then it'll get stuck on them.  It's impossible to get rid of glitter.

So here's your box, are you going to open it... you can take it home and leave it in the box if you want.  You can just put the box on your shelf, maybe take it out once a week and look at the box.  You can hold the box up, maybe shake it around once in a while to see if there's anything in there.  I mean if you want you can put your box in another box to protect this box, or you can hide it in the basement so no one else knows you got a box.  you can pretend i never showed you this box and just leave it there, I mean it's your box.

I'd open it if I were you, but it's your box...

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