Do you ever feel like you're an almost christian. I'm not sure exactly what I mean by that but sometimes I think I'm just not quite all in. It's like I get the salvation part, believe in Jesus ask for forgiveness, zip zap zip, I'm good, I think I'll walk the dog. But am I really all in? I like to think I am. I really want to be. Like what if Jesus came along and said, "ok, you've been an ok guy, kept most of the commandments, of course you've messed up a bunch of times, but I'll take care of that... just go sell everything you own and give it to the poor, and then we'll go get something done." He's been know to do that, what if he says it to me.
Wait, you mean my house? I haven't even finished renovating it yet... Wait, my guitars? how am I going to lead people in worship if I do that, that's what I got them for... My cell phone? you want me to get rid of my cell phone? what would that prove... Well I mean, they are yours, but you're not serious, right?
Yeah that's how I feel sometimes. I haven't actually heard him say that yet (at least I don't think) but what if he does. Is that the measure of a real follower? You tell me. Lot's of us are happy to tell people we love Jesus, but what if he calls us to do something crazy, is he worth it? Because if he calls me/you to do it, it's got very little to do with me/you. In fact it's always all about Him; bringing glory to him by showing his grace to someone who's never seen or heard it yet.
If we're called follow him doesn't that mean everything. I mean dead is dead right... unless Jesus gives life back. I don't know exactly what Jesus is calling me to right now, but I know if he says to do something I don't want to be an almost christian, (he called them luke warm and plans to vommit us out of his mouth). I don't want to have a long intillectual conversation that eventially talks me out of it, I don't want to rationalize it away, I don't want to choose myself over him. I just want to respond, all in on red. It's not really gambling is it. It's a sure bet. There's a great Andrew Peterson song called "Dancing in the Minefields" (makes me almost cry when I watch the video...maybe I'll let it out someday). The lyrics go like this:
Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadow lands
Till the shadows disappear
'Cause he promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos, baby,
I can dance with you
So lets go dancing in the minefields
Lets go sailing in the storms
Oh lets go dancing in the minefields
And kicking down the doors
Oh lets go dancing in the minefields
And sailing in the storms
Oh this is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for
I used to love dancing. Confession, I've always loved hip hop and wanted to be a break dancer, I know, who'd have believed it. But I've always been affraid to do it in case I looked stupid. I think I feel that way about doing what Jesus says too. What if it looks stupid? In fact, I'm certian I'll look foolish to the world, break dancing or following Jesus. When I used to listen and respond to him more often, he frequently told me to do things that make me look a little crazy, but they were always for someone else, about someone else, never about me. Jesus let me share in the joy when it touched someone or brought some freedom or encouragement to someone, but it was always his joy. I think I want to start dancing with Jesus again. Just so you're not dissappointed, this isn't a hip hop song, it's about waltzing with your wife, but I think I'll be the bride and let Jesus lead from now on. It sounds a little wierd I know, but that's what he compared us to so get over it. Maybe Jesus will decide he wants to break dance instead of waltz, I'm ok with that too, maybe I'll pull a hamstring, and I'm sure it'll look rediculous but I think I'm ok with that now...